Last Night's Writings.

topthebill-overkill:

aadambautistaa:

Where Are They Now?

We cross paths with people in our lives countless of times. And no matter how amazing or dreadful your time together with them is, most of the them are those who we end up saying goodbye to, drift apart from, or leave each other unnoticed. They become those faded pictures tucked away in albums and boxes, the memories that you can never erase from your mind, or forever forgotten and left in your past. 

But where did they all go when you decided to go on a different path then all of them? Those childhood crushes, old friends, tormenting enemies, teachers, and acquaintances that you passed each day in the hallways…where did they end up in their lives? Did they become famous or successful? Are they happy or are they overcome with sadness? Did they fall in love or still searching for it? Are they even still walking on the Earth still? How much has these people that you once known changed from who you once knew them as? Where are they now?

Moments seem like forever when you’re living them. But in a moment, they’re all in your past. All those people you thought were lifelong connections, you thought were  meaningful, are now just notches in your memory. All of a sudden, you reach a certain age and you realize that you can never reclaim any of those things in the past you thought would be a part of your life forever.

It sucks having to think about this sometimes. Back when I had myspace, for some reason all my friends from my elementary school days in New Jersey suddenly started resurfacing again because my dad still kept in contact with them all. So I thought I would seek them out and try to reconnect, pick up where we left off, even though it had been years. Not that I was this social butterfly when I was younger (quite the opposite actually, the only friends I ever made when I was younger were the ones that approached me first), but I thought it would have been nice to catch up again and see where they were currently in their lives.

Only a few even replied to me. A majority of them just ignored me. And a few just plain didn’t remember me. In particular though, I had one friend who not only remembered me, but he actively wanted to rekindle a friendship and keep in touch. I remember his name was Renz. At least, that was the last name I remembered him as before I moved away. He was I guess the closest thing I could consider a “best friend” when I was a kid. He was a bit of a troublemaker while I was more of the quiet, reserved, rule-abiding one. But he was a good kid all-around, and we were good friends. 

He actually messaged me first, somehow managed to find me first on myspace and message me, and I was surprised to find he had pretty much taken a complete 180 to what I originally remembered him as. He was serious, brooding, a very deep thinker, and because of some legality he mentioned to me, his name was now “Jordan.” For a few months, we kept in decent contact, and talked back and forth.

And then one day, the messages just stopped.

I thought he might’ve been busy or something. Or he didn’t really check his myspace anymore. Or perhaps he had just ignored me and dropped me out of his life, like the rest of them.

It wasn’t till about a month later when I checked his page again, that I noticed a bunch of mourning comments on his page.

A suicide.
For whatever reason, in an instant, he was gone by his own hand.

The only friend from childhood who remembered me and bothered to even reconnect with me, the troublemaker, the little wise ass-turned deep and brooding soul, had taken his own life.

Reading the above post about “Where are they now?” invoked these memories, and it really makes me wonder what we would’ve been like, if he were still alive, and we still actively kept in touch. Would we have Facebook’d together? Would we have exchanged numbers to text across the country? Would we have kept up with each other about how we were doing in school till we graduated college and went off into our own lives? I’ll never know now.

And it makes me wonder of the people who I know and associate with now, if years and years from now, they’ll just be small bookmarks in my memory, as opposed to people that I’ll still be able to reach out to and call “friend” when I’m 30, 40, 50 years old. Who really knows? I guess all I can really do is try to enjoy what I’ve got now, before life suddenly decides to take a sharp turn in the opposite direction for myself, or for anybody else in my life that I cherish. I don’t want to have to look back and regret any sort of memory that’s become embedded in my mind. I try not to regret. But every once in a while, I still think back on things and occasionally wish things had turned out differently. That I had taken the time to better appreciate my life then, and to only have it as a stepping stone to be an improvement for my present.

For now, to everyone from my past that I’ll never get the chance to meet, see, or talk to again, living or dead. I do genuinely hope you are doing well in your lives. Because I am… well, I am progress. But I’m doing just fine in mine.

I was helping my little brother

Where the fuck does jack come from

That’s basically what math is like for the rest of your life.

I love how the answer is at the bottom of the page. And how is any kid suppose to know how many stickers Jack has? Does Tani and Jen give Jack their stickers? I wish I was Jack. My friends never give me stickers.  

You’re all missing the point. This isn’t math. Rather it’s metaphysics, or the existence of our being. Theoretically speaking, Jack isn’t a person. Jack exists in all of us. We are Jack. Jack is all of us. Every single one of us. In each inept part of our being, our existence, Jack lives. Forgotten and ignored, yet he exists in our never ending subconscious. The question, rather, is how many stickers do we all have?

I am Jack’s twenty-three unsolicited stickers.

The limit of stickers does not exist. 

(Source: kimburrit0, via obscure-affection)